Napoleon Dynamite: The After Life
by Tua Mater
Summary: What exactly happens after the movie? Why, lots of random things, thats what! Embark on the epic adventure of Napoleon Dynamite and get entangled in this story of life, love, and the need for some chapstick! P.S. I know ligers exist...I was showing how Ki
1. At Deb's House

"Deb, hurry up, gosh!"

"Coming, Napoleon!"

Napoleon Dynamite was waiting outside his girlfriend Deb's house. They were going to see a new movie. Napoleon didn't want to go because they didn't sell tots for refreshments…and he was upset about that. But alas, Deb wanted to see a new chick flick about raising money and going to college, and Napoleon will do anything for love. And tots. But that's beside the point.

Deb rushed into Napoleon's arms wearing what he liked best--a shirt with big, puffy sleeves.

"Let's go Napoleon! I want to see the movie because I seriously do have to raise money to go to college."

"Your mom goes to college!" shouted a voice from nowhere.

"Shut up, Kip! Gosh, idiot! He follows me everywhere!"

Napoleon grabbed Deb's hand and led her to his new bike on the sidewalk.

"Here Deb, get in the basket. I promise I won't do any sweet jumps while you're in it."

"Thanks Napoleon."

With that Napoleon and Deb rode away from the house and into the setting sun, towards the movie theatre.


	2. Meeting Pedro

Inside the movie theatre

Napoleon and Deb were in line waiting to get some popcorn.

"Hello! Would you like some popcorn?" asked the cashier.

"Well duh! Gosh! Why do think I'm in line? Idiot!" said Napoleon.

"I want some milk." Deb said.

"Alright, gosh! What kind?"

"2. You know I think I'm fat."

"Okay, whatever."

The lovely couple got their popcorn and milk, and were about to go inside the theatre that showed the movie when Pedro came out of nowhere.

"Hey Napoleon." said Pedro.

"Pedro! Gosh, you freaking scared me!"

"I'm sorry. Hi Deb."

"Hey, Pedro."

"What are you guys doing?"

"We're watching a movie, what's it look like? Gosh!"

"Hey Pedro, did you get a new haircut?" asked Deb.

"Yes. It was getting very hot…"

"Gosh, idiot! Last time you did that you couldn't show yourself for weeks!" said Napoleon.

"Napoleon! Don't be mean! Why don't you watch the movie with us Pedro." said Deb.

"Ok."

So, all of the friends went inside to watch the movie. Oh joy.


	3. Anniversary Presents

The movie finished and Pedro left. Napoleon and Deb went to eat at a restaurant that had lots of tots. This was their 1 year anniversary, and Deb got Napoleon a present. So after drinking a glass of milk and eating a few tots, Deb took out a package from her purse.

"What the heck is that, gosh?"

"Napoleon, I got you a present. It is our anniversary after all."

"Oh yeah. I got you a present too."

Deb gave Napoleon the package. He opened it to reveal a chap stick.

"Gosh, thanks! My lips were hurting real bad! My grandma went away to some desert and she stole all my chap sticks! And then the nurse's was real disgusting, so I didn't have any. Thanks Deb!"

"I'm glad you like it."

"Here's your present."

Napoleon gave Deb a picture he drew of her. It came with a note that said he spent hours shading the upper lip.

"Oh Napoleon, I love it! Thank you!"

"Ok."

Deb leaned over the table to give Napoleon a kiss, but he pushed her back.

"Wait until I put my chap stick on, gosh!"

Napoleon put on his chap stick, and then gave Deb a kiss.


	4. Nothing to do

The next day was no school, because there was summer vacation. Napoleon went to Deb's house to see if she wanted to go somewhere. When he got there he went to the basement, only to see his uncle Rico there!

"What are you doing here uncle Rico? Gosh!"

After Napoleon said this Deb came out from behind a screen holding a camera.

"Oh, hi Napoleon. I'm taking pictures of your uncle. He's going to look like a beautiful model when I'm done."

"What the heck for!" shouted Napoleon.

"This is my summer job, Napoleon. You know that I'm raising money to-"

"Go to college, I know! Gosh!"

"Napoleon! That is no way to speak to a lady. Now go on and get out of here so this here beautiful young woman can take my pictures." said uncle Rico.

"Fine, gosh!" Napoleon left. He decided to go back to his house to see what Kip was up to. Hopefully if he wasn't talking to hot babes online again, he could tell Napoleon what he could do today. But when Napoleon got home, he saw Lafawnduh in his living room with Kip. Kip was wearing some new gangsta clothes.

"Kip, what the heck is she doing here? Gosh!"

"This is the love of my life Napoleon. Now go away!"

"No! You can't make me, idiot!"

"Yes I can! Grandma is in Alaska now, doing some deep sea diving. And she left me in charge! And I said to leave!"

"Are there any ligers in Alaska? If there are tell grandma to send me some pictures!"

"Ligers don't exist stupid! Now leave, or I'll throw away your chap stick."

"Alright, fine! Freaking idiot!"

But before Napoleon left he went up to Kip and stared him in the face. He slapped him in the face and ran like a girl out of the house.


	5. Love Affair

At long last Napoleon grew tired of running. When he stopped to catch his breath he found himself outside of Pedro's house. He knocked on the door, and in a small voice he heard,

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Napoleon. Who do you think it is, gosh!"

Pedro opened the door, and he looked a mess. His hair was raveled and he was wearing-dare I say it-red lipstick!

"What the heck are you doing Pedro! You look like a freaking girl!"

"Well Napoleon-"but before Pedro could go on Napoleon pushed through him and went inside.

"What the heck is going on, Pedro! Gosh!"

You see, when Napoleon went inside, he saw Summer sitting on the couch-wearing red lipstick! Pedro had been making out with her.

"Oh Napoleon, you don't understand! I'm in love!" said Pedro.

Napoleon looked at Summer and she waved to him shyly.

"It's true." she said. "We are in love! Please don't tell anyone, especially my boyfriend. I don't have the heart to tell him!"

"Pedro!" Napoleon said, ignoring Summer. "This girl is pure evil! Remember how rude she was when you ran for president? Gosh, what are you, an idiot?"

But Napoleon had no choice but to believe them, for when he looked into their eyes he saw love.

"Gosh!" he thought, "Everyone has someone to be with today except me! Deb is freaking with uncle Rico!"

Napoleon left, promising not to tell anyone. He had nothing to do, so he walked down town. He passed by a gym and read the sign on the door:

**This Week Only!**

**Rex is coming to show his awesome fighting skills and teach YOU how to use them!**

**Don't be left without the knowledge of self defense!**

**Also**

**Having these skills is bound to get the girl of your dreams to love you for sure!**

**Don't delay!**

**The cost is 100$ for this week of training.**

"Flippin' sweet! I have to learn that! Then Deb will love me forever!"

Napoleon ran inside the gym to learn the way to Deb's heart.


	6. A way to Deb's heart

When Napoleon ran inside he saw Rex standing in a corner, lifting weights to show off his muscles to the ladies surrounding him.

"Excuse me. Are you Rex, the guy who can teach me some super sweet fighting skills?" asked Napoleon.

"Do you have a hundred dollars?" Rex asked.

"Yeah." Napoleon would get the money from his bank account later.

"Then I'm your man, son. If you sign up, tomorrow you will show up here with the burning desire to learn! Along with the money, of course. Then maybe someday you, like me, will become the greatest fighter of all time!"

"Are you sure these wicked sweet skill will lead me to my girlfriend's heart?" Napoleon asked.

"Well duh! What babe doesn't like a guy with muscles that can protect her?"

"Sweet!" Napoleon exclaimed.

The next day Napoleon walked into they gym with his money. There he saw Rex standing in front of a small crowd that was sitting on the floor. Napoleon joined them.

"Welcome! Today and the rest of this week you will learn my very special, secret awesome fighting skills! Let's get going!"

Many hours of harsh training followed, and by the end of the week Napoleon was strong and capable of defending his woman.

"Freaking awesome!" Napoleon said.

Napoleon went to Deb's house to show her his skills.

"Hi Napoleon!" she said when she opened the door.

"Hey Deb." Napoleon said casually. "Let's go for a walk."

"Ok."

Earlier Napoleon had hired some guys to come and try to steal Deb's purse. He was going to show her his moves. They walked for a few minutes and then went to the park, where the thugs secretly waited their arrival. When Napoleon and Deb got to a certain tree, the thugs jumped out.

"Give us your purse, lady!" one snarled.

"Yeah! Or we'll pound you into the dirt!" the other said.

Deb was scared. "Napoleon! Do something!" she screamed.

So, following the plan, Napoleon danced a stupid fighting dance around the thugs, hopping up and down on one foot. Then he moved in and poked one in the eye, and spit at the other one's face. He then slapped them both, and grabbed Deb's hand and ran. The thugs lay on the ground, moaning in pretend agony.

"Napoleon, you were so brave! I feel so safe with you now!"

"Of course, gosh! I have some wicked sweet fighting moves!"

Napoleon finally had Deb's heart for himself. After staring lovingly into each other's eyes, the two lovebirds kissed under a bright and radiant sun.


End file.
